It was exceptionally tough this morning, pedaling that stationary bike. I'd watch the display in front of me, the terrain scrolling towards me like some slow-motion version of Scramble. Random hills proceed across the screen, every once in a while, one reaches right to the top of the display, an absolute skyscraper to pedal over. Getting over these is a question of mind over matter, because the display scrolls every ten seconds anyway; it doesn't matter if I pedal harder or faster; it doesn't matter if I stop pedaling completely; I'll get over this hill. However, if I don't keep my momentum going, it won't do me any good. Why are things so tough for me this morning?
Because I didn't go to the gym yesterday. We took our first day off yesterday morning; we had lots of reasons, lots of justifications. We deserved it. We needed snuggles. J had a hairdresser's appointment. We had a couple of errands to run. We had to go see a friend in the hospital later that evening. We quite simply didn't feel like going, and we paid the penalty for it today. There's a discipline involved, particularly at this early stage. It doesn't matter how often I weigh myself, or measure my waist. At the moment the biggest difference I'm going to see is whether I get on the scales before or after I visit the toilet. I've got to keep focused, keep going, because if I don't keep going, then C won't keep going, and if C doesn't keep going, I won't end up going, either.
But I've got to get through today, get through this thirty minutes. I'm visualizing what's going on inside this machine, a machine full of flywheels and magnetic resistance and belts and pulleys and all sorts of other junk. I just have to keep it moving. I have to keep going. If I can do that, then I'll make it; and I have to make it, I owe it to myself to do so. Another skyscraper left behind; there's another on the distant horizon, approaching. Let's cross that one when I get to it. Let's keep this exercise routine going. There's no sense for one day to derail the whole thing. And I'll know about it; I'll ache all day today, I'll feel the strain just like I did the first day I came to the gym after all those days off before.
OK, now the evening comes, and the blogging rituals. I created me a page over the weekend, listing my routine, the order I should do things in, how best to stay focused, how to keep up with my reading lists, comment on friends' pages, get some views, check out some stats. I haven't written a post since Sunday; the difficult one, the anniversary post. It seems like I've lost subscribers. It seems like I've only had about three page views today. What's happening? I've lost momentum here, too. I haven't been keeping up with my posts. I wrote an opinion piece; those are always good for traffic; and then a personal piece; those are always very satisfying. But then, nothing at all. I took some time off over the last couple of days; I had lots of reasons, lots of justifications. Appointments and errands and lack of computer time and I quite simply didn't feel like it. There's a discipline involved, particularly at this early stage, and it doesn't matter how many times I look at my traffic stats they are not going to radically change unless I keep producing content. I've got to keep focused, keep going, because if I don't keep going, then the chances of C and I actually settling down to write our novel will be pretty slim.
So I've got to put up a post today, get through this case of not knowing what to write about. I just have to keep it moving. And I'll know about it; I'll ache for quite a while over this post, and I'll feel the strain just like I did when I first began these pages. Let's get moving again.